I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
