just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
