Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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