We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
