I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My balls are so social today.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
