his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
