Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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