So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
