I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
