He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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