The maid of honor just puked.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
