He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
