i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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