It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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