sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
