Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drunk is a universal language darling
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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