I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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