Will you blow on my dice?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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