remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
