hotel room ftw
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize