I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
