We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
