the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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