is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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