i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
