Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
