She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.