I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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