My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Randomize
