if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
