plz talk dirty to me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
