did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
