I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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