I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
