The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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