if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
