what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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