she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
