i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I believe in your delicious
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
