I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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