Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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