so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
