Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
