i permit you to call me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
