cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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