Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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