this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
