just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize