Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
