We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
