I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
