i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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