I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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