i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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