It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
