wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
