I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
